My Time Comes
by millcityshaman
Summary: Days after the last battle, Harry is searching Dumbledore's office when he finds a letter addressed to Lily that has been waiting seventeen or so years to be read. Rated for one bad word. Tissue Alert.


My Time Comes

After D.H. (spoilers if you haven't read book 7) While going through things in Dumbledore's office, Harry finds a letter addressed to Lily that has been waiting for sixteen or so years to be read.

_Inspired by the Linkin Park song: Leave Out All The Rest_

_I dreamed I was missing_

_You were so scared_

_But no one else would listen_

_Cause no one else cared_

_After my dreaming_

_I awoke with this fear_

_What am I leaving_

_When I'm done here_

_So if you're asking me I want you to know_

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reason to be missed_

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest_

_Don't be afraid_

_I've taken my beating_

_I've shared what I made_

_I'm strong on the surface_

_Not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect_

_But neither have you_

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reason to be missed_

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest_

_Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well_

_Pretending someone else can come and_

_Save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are_

Dumbledore's study days after the final battle:

"Harry," Ron pleaded. "You're been cooped up in here for days. You have to give it a break."

"I keep having the feeling there's something I'm missing," Harry told. "Something that wants to be found."

"What ever it is, it can wait. It will still be here when you get back."

"You're right." Harry stood to stretch.

"Of course I'm right."

"Actually - - " Harry was looking up at the ceiling above Dumbledore's desk. "I think I've found it."

"So I'm wrong?"

Potter didn't answer the question. He climbed up on the desk. "I've been looking inside here instead of looking up."

Weasley shook his head not understanding.

"Look, the four animals of the four houses."

In each corner of this little nook there were the four animals; Lion; Eagle; Badger; & Snake. Harry reached up to an extremely dusty envelope sitting on top of the snake's head. The falling dust made both Harry and Ron cough. When Harry wiped away the dust, what he read on the envelope made his hands shake.

Ron asked, "What's wrong Harry?"

The envelope was turned so Ron could read, 'FOR LILY, TO BE OPENED ON THE EVENT OF THE DEATH OF SEVERUS SNAPE.'

"Blimey."

"Blimey what?" Hermione had just walked in. "I thought you were going to bring Harry down to get some food."

"Yhea well - - "

"He did. I just - - " Harry climbed down from the desk. "I'm sorry I have to find out what's in this."

"Harry," Hermione moaned.

"No, he does." Ron sounded to serious for her to ignore the comment.

"Can he read it outside somewhere, where there's some fresh air?"

"That I don't know. How about it Harry?"

"No - - but not here either."

"Where?" Harry's two friends asked at the same time.

Harry showed Hermione the envelope.

"Oh," she remarked.

"Down in the potions dungeon."

Hermione wisecracked, "Oh there's a place with more air."

"I'm sorry guys, I have to do this alone. I'll meet you in the great hall in an hour." Harry's two friends nodded their understanding. They went their way, and Harry went down the spiral staircase to the place where a certain professor had made his life miserable on many occasions. Now Harry knew better. He still felt as if he really didn't know Severus Snape. He was about to find out more. Harry found himself sitting at another desk, Snape's desk in his storeroom. The place from where the spider spun his webs. Harry broke the seal that held the envelope shut. A long piece of parchment folded three times was extracted from it.

Harry figured the letter had to have been written in 1981 or before if it was addressed to his mother.

Harry mused, "Been expecting to die that long ago?"

In larger handwriting than the rest of the letter was written a preamble.

_'I'M DEAD PLEASE READ THIS. DON'T JUST THROW IT AWAY.'_

"That might make me do just the opposite," Harry told himself.

Then in small cramped handwriting the letter began:

_'Dear Lily,'_

Harry didn't know how desperately the writer would have preferred 'Dearest,' but afraid James would see it, kept it 'Dear.'

_'If you are reading this, I'm dead. I am sure that event is not far off. If the aurors don't get me, I've done something that will assure my comrades or the Dark Lord himself will do their job for them. I'd like to think you'd still care. You were always the only one who cared._

_Before going any further I have to beg to tell you, one more time, in the hope that this time you will believe me, how sorry I am. For everything. You were right. There was no excuse for - - that word. Funny thing is, now the word disgusts me, not only for that day, but because I've seen enough of it. I don't know why it's taken rivers of blood for me to finally get it. And a river of it is what I've seen. My 'friends' (you were right about that too) have provided enough for me to see - - Theirs is no different than ours._

_I need you to know something. I don't care if the entire rest of the world reviles me, but I care what you think. I've done things I this war that I regret. I've used my skills to purposes they shouldn't have been. I only just realized that fact a short while ago. When my own actions came knocking back at my own door, when they put what I hold dear in the line of fire._

_There are so many things I want you to know. At least so far, not that I expect it to change, I have not sent anyone to the next world who was not facing me with a wand in their hand and a killing curse on their lips. I won't lie and say I haven't taken down anyone, but it was done with some kind of, be it twisted, honor. Neither have I used the torture curse, but I haven't stopped anyone who has. I don't expect to be admonished for my sins, which are many, yet I want to have someone know I've done some small things that might redeem myself, in your eyes at least._

_You're friends, the aurors Longbottoms, I tried, but with this bunch, you know, you can only try so hard before you're next to get it. You know what they did to Regulus. Sorry, I chose to live. I couldn't save them, but I saved the child. They would have surely killed it just for fun if I hadn't been holding it. If I hadn't reminded them it was a full-blood after all. I'm the one who made sure Moody found it.'_

Harry couldn't help but utter his friend's name, "Neville - - " Then he wondered why Snape treated Longbottom so badly if he had been the one to save him. "Guilt must make one do strange things." He took a breath and continued to read.

_'I don't expect to gain any brownie points for this; I just want you to know. I also want you to know, I'm the one who warned Dumbledore to hide you, but I'm also the reason you have to hide. I'm the one who told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. If I had known what I know now, I would have cut out my tongue before telling him a word of it._

_You have every reason to despise me; I despise myself._

_Still the hope remains that you, because you are the opposite of me, can find a small measure of forgiveness for your old friend. I know I have no right to ask for it, but I have to._

_Some shred of peace will let me rest if I know that there was some reason for me to be missed._

_I know Dumbledore will keep you safe. The other three of your husband's - - ' He couldn't use James' name, ' - - friends, as much as I hate them, I know they'll keep you all safe._

_I know I've been a selfish bastard. It's taken all of this to make me see it, because I didn't listen to you and someone I should have listened to all along, whom I will never question again. If Dumbledore can give me a second chance, maybe you can, even thought I'm sure I'm dead._

_Believe in me again. I am on your side now, even if it looks different. It's dangerous for me to be writing this. Tell no one, and I mean no one, please. I am entrusting this letter to Dumbledore. He's the only one I trust._

_Your child; I hope you can tell him you once had a friend, who wasn't always whatever this is I've become. Tell him that people make mistakes, one doesn't have to be evil to make mistakes, and if they are truly repentant, one must forgive them.'_

Harry could see where tears stained this part of the parchment. Some of Harry's own joined them. He could almost hear the raw desperation of the plea that followed.

_'Lily, please, please, forgive me. Remember me. Help me._

_**When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind a reason to be missed. Don't resent me. When you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory. Leave out all the rest.**_

_Yours always Severus'_

Again Harry was feeling how much he, and everyone else, misjudged Snape. At one time he had wanted what most people want; fame, glory, and power. In the end all he wanted was to be forgiven, remembered, and thought it didn't say it directly in the letter, loved.

Harry hoped what ever remained of people when they died might be listening when he proclaimed, "We do. You will be. You are."

The End


End file.
